Quote:
Monday, August 25, 2014
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Willing to Make Amends
The Eighth Step is talking about a change of heart, a healing change.
This attitude can begin a great chain of repair and healing in our relationships with others and ourselves. It means we become willing to let go of our hard heartedness - one of the greatest blocks to our ability to give and receive love.
In the Eighth Step, we make a list of all people we have harmed, and we allow ourselves to experience a healing attitude toward them. It is an attitude of love.
We do not, in this Step, dash madly about and begin yelling, "Sorry!" We make our list, not to feel guilty, but to facilitate healing. Before we actually make amends or begin to consider appropriate amends, we allow ourselves to change our attitude. That is where healing begins - within us.
It can change the energy. It can change the dynamics. It can begin the process, before we ever open our mouths and say sorry.
It opens the door to love. It opens the door to the energy of love and healing. It enables us to release negative feelings and energy, and opens the door to positive feelings and energy.
That energy can be felt around the world, and it starts inside us.
How often have we, after we have been hurt, wished that the person would simply recognize our pain and say, "I'm sorry?" How often have we wished that the person would simply see us, hear us, and turn the energy of love our way? How often have we longed for at least a change of heart, a small dose of reconciliation, in relationships tainted by unfinished business and bad feelings? Often.
Others do too. It is no secret. The energy of healing begins with us. Our willingness to make amends may or may not benefit the other person; he or she may or may not be willing to put matters to rest.
But we become healed. We become capable of love.
Today, I will work on a change of heart if hard heartedness, defensiveness, guilt, or bitterness are present. I will become willing to let go of those feelings and have them replaced by the healing energy of love.
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It took time and prayer to become willing to make an amend to my ex-boss, I knew I had a part in it, but he was always the bigger
sinner (offender), in my eyes. It was about what he did to me, and not about the fact that I tried to do the work of 3 people, and because I couldn't keep up, I got into my pills because I had the headache, which turned into migraines. It didn't matter that Ms. Perfection felt guilty and couldn't keep up her normal routine, and when you are a proof reader and you don't see the mistakes, there is something wrong. Ms. Perfect was stoned because the Es looked like As, and so much more.
Finally, I became willing to be willing to make the amend. I got on the bus and said, "I will stop on the way back from my doctor's appointment." I looked out the bus window and saw a bankruptcy banner across the front window of his store. He had moved out of town, no forwarding address, and I came to the understanding, that it would hurt him and me, and as long as I was willing, my God cleared the slate.