Quote:
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Recognizing Choices
We have choices, more choices than we let ourselves see.
We may feel trapped in our relationships, our jobs, our life. We may feel locked into behaviors such as caretaking or controlling.
Feeling trapped is a symptom of codependency. When we hear ourselves say, I have to take care of this person . . . I have to say yes . . . I have to try to control that person . . . I have to behave this way, think this way, feel this way . . . we can know we are choosing not to see choices.
That sense of being trapped is an illusion. We are not controlled by circumstances, our past, the expectations of others, or our unhealthy expectations for ourselves. We can choose what feels right for us, without guilt. We have options.
Recovery is not about behaving perfectly or according to anyone else's rules. More than anything else, recovery is about knowing we have choices and giving ourselves the freedom to choose.
Today, I will open my thinking and myself to the choices available to me. I will make choices that are good for me.
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We do have freedom of choice. It was that fre edom that kept me coming back to the rooms of 12 Step meetings.
I went to Women for Sobriety when in treatment, the treatment house gave us a choice as to where we felt comfortable. I didn't like it, and vowed never to go back. It moved to a facility a block away, and I decided to go. For me I don't think I could have stayed sober in the fellowship, yet it later gave me a new perspective on my recovery. I stopped going because I didn't find it was spiritual, and it was about the almighty I, with little regard to God almighty, who gives me the good orderly direction as to what I need to do to stay sober.
I was glad that I went to AA before I went to Adult Children of Alcoholics. I was able to get rid of my denial about being an alcoholic, because I identified so much with ACoA's literature, I might have died as a result of my denial.
My sponsor had been in OA, I never went to a meeting. I didn't think I believe I was a true OA member as I didn't have Anorexia or Bulimia. Yet I have an eating disorder, and it is my thinking behind the eating that was an issue. A drug is a drug, no matter what I picked up to suppress my feeling and/or a drug that I felt would help me cope. My body tells me that I need more, and the drug just puts a band aid on things, and I needed to heal and get to the root of the issue, that made me pick up in the first place.
Nothing changes, if nothing changes. I can choose to life or to die. My bother died at the age of 40 due to her disease. She qualified for OA and Al-Anon. When I put on weight, I thought I would die too. Then it got to a stage of I don't care, what is the use. That is not a recovery thought, the 12 Steps are applicable to all areas of my life.