TODAY'S GIFT FOR FAMILY AND FRIENDS/AUGUST 2014
 

Have always figured the day should be started with Steps 1, 2, 3, I call it a Waltz. I can't, He can, Just for today, I choose to let Him.

End the day with Steps 10, 11, and 12, and the rest of the Steps in between, to be worked when applicable. They are really necessary when the past comes into today. So much of us is rooted in our past, we need to get to the root of the matter in order for it to heal.

The reason I am carrying my happiness within me today was because my son came here, paid me the money he owed me and left. He was already stoned, but that is his choice.

I looked up the meditation for Courage to Change today which said, "Today I will keep hands off and keep my focus where it belongs, one me.

...In All Our Affairs"

I am as happy as I choose to be. I may not be happy, but I have a choice to leave where I am at, and allow happiness to catch up with me.

Be themselves, we are not all the same, we each have different gifts and we all use them differently.

I use to have a lot of time on my hands and I liked to format, put on pictures, and anything else that I could think of it to make things fancy, with the hope that they and others would come back to visit again.

I then realized it didn't matter how it was presented as long as it told the story, preferably one of recovery and how the program worked for them.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/mammals-...texts/0014.gif

Such a beautiful thought. I am learning, I am better than I was and each day, God and I work on this.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

You are reading from the book Today's Gift

There is surely a piece of divinity in us, something that was before the elements...
—Sir Thomas Browne

One definition of divinity in the dictionary is "supreme excellence." It also means "god-like character" and "divine nature."

Doesn't that describe someone we love? When we are in love with someone, we see only the best of that person - it's impossible to see anything else. That person is "divine," we say, perfect for us, because he or she loves us and is lovable.

Each one of us has a part that is divine. We see it occasionally in others, and they see it in us when they love us. We can draw on that divine part of every person for strength and hope and courage and faith and love. There is wonderful, mysterious beauty in all of us, even when we behave badly.

What divinity do I see in those around me right now?

In my house, just me on a good day. Too isolated to see much around me with the exception of God's Gift by putting special people in my path when I need it.

I see a lot of people who are searching, others who aren't look, those who think they know it all and have tunnel vision and not open to God's Gifts, and others who don't know it is available.

[QUOTE]
Wednesday, August 6, 2014

You are reading from the book Today's Gift

What matters?...Only the flicker of light within the darkness, the feeling of warmth within the cold, the knowledge of love within the void.
—Joan Walsh Anglund

If we were lost at sea, surrounded by darkness pierced only by one distant blinking light, we would follow that light. As we followed it, it would become clearer and brighter until it brought us safely to land.

Sometimes when we're depressed, we feel as though we're lost on a dark sea. But there is always a flicker of light for us. It may be prayer, or the love of a special friend. When we see that light, we need to move toward it. Whatever brings us hope is like that flicker of light. The more we seek it, the clearer and brighter the light will become.

When we are cold and our bodies begin to numb, we must keep moving. Movement will keep us alive. When our emotions are numb, we need people or things or places that will warm our hearts. When no one else is around, hot baths or a favorite treat can bring the warmth of our own self-love into our lives when we need it the most.

How can I brighten my inner light today?
Someone once asked how I was doing and I said, "I am having a great day." He said, "Then what are you doing here?" Here was a morning meeting and I told him, "Just passing it on."

I also think any day the sun shines is a good day. It is good to just go out, give thanks for my God's Creations. I like to sit up a bench and just soak up the soak up the sun and just be aware of what is around me.

Communication!!!

That addiction and alcoholism are family disease. In most cases, the family choose other substance and behaviours, like caretaking and enabling.

The Steps of recovery are applicable to family and friends of alcoholics/addicts.

What we can give is our whole selves. We need to feed the body, mind, and spirit the food it needs to restore us.

Then what I do is pray and ask that I be a channel, and given the inner knowing that I need each day to stay clean and sober, each day.

When my son is in active addiction, I often feel like I am caught up in the old craziness, and I need to go to my God and work my program daily. It isn't about him, it is about me and my attitude and my recovery. He chooses to use, that is his choice. Just for today, I choose not to use and I need what I need for my own peace of mind.

The first thing would be to pray. Then I would wait and let the faith come in to replace the fear. Then it would be up to do my part, to let go of the old to make room for the new.

I was told it was best to be my own best friend. Willing to be a friend of anyone who asks.

As they say in Al-Anon, "Let us love you until you can love yourself." That kept me coming back to meetings.

The greatest thing is that I am still clean and sober.

Thanks to the program, I can see beyond what is in front of me and can see the beauty in things. Nothing is all positive or negative, there is a reality in there which shows my God's love and their God working in the life of someone or thing.

There is beauty to find in God's Handy Work. The picture that came to mind was old wood, wire and weeds, but when I look again, I can see the flowers on the weeds. I can look at the wood and wire and look and for some beauty in them, be it the way it is composed, the job they did in the past but can no longer do, and so much more. My God is everywhere.

My biggest fear, my son may choose to carry the message,"To use is to die."

It is a daily fear that I have to let go of every time he disrespects my space by coming in after using. I set boundaries, reset boundaries, and he disregards them, thinking it is his right, I was a bad mother when I was in my own addiction. Even in recovery, he can't get past what was and the person who is in today. He finds it quite enjoyable to rub the past in my face. All I know was that I was the best mom I could be. I spent my money to make him look good, and trying to put food on the table for him. I know that I don't have to continue to pay for my actions, words and deeds, I had to learn to forgive myself.

For sleeping all day, just found out that my son didn't call when he came in from work, because he felt like I needed the rest. I had called him to tell him I wanted up, and he told me if I looked more at my health than my TV shows, I would feel better. I forgot to set the alarm. ;(

I didn't appreciate Him playing god with my life. I wanted to get my days and night back in their right place, but then I realized it had to be the right time for me. I do have a lot of day time appointments to get to for the next two weeks.

I had to forgive myself and him!

Not sure I am setting down new one, but growing in the ones already in place. I know they need to be nurtured and life is about body, mind and spirit.

If I don't nourish, I become a dry drunk, or an old sober side, and/or a crotchety person no one wants to be around. You can call me all kinds of things, but you should hear the words I call myself. Just for today, I choose not to abuse myself or others. I like to give and share TLC, it is applicable to all things.

In today, too many, but my God and I will work through them.

I told the speaker at tonight's meeting, said he had real issues with the word God. He spoke of his search for an understanding of God. I went up to him after the meeting and said,"Spiritually is noticing a bird and all nature had to offer." I never noticed such things when I was using. I even threatened a bird outside my window with my shoe because he woke me up.

For me there is no family, what I see and imagine, I would rather not. A lot of condescension, a lot of self-righteous talk, yet not living it. Talking and laughing at someone behind their back, is not good Christian living and on the other hand, my son who believes in no God, at least not one who cares for him. It is sad, all I can do is pray. If they want to judge me by my past, they can. I made things right with my God and I have no problems with looking myself in the mirror. I just got tired of being used and abused. As I have said before, "If that is Christian thinking, I want no part of it."

Jesus showed us the way to walk on this earth, I find none of those things in the principles in today. That makes me sad.

I don't call it small, prayer works wonders and we are all part of the whole, no matter what country we live in.

Fear can keep us paralyzed and paranoid, and a whole lot more, when we allow it to isolate us from doing what we need to do to move forward. Recovery bring about a lot of decision making, and it is advised not to make any major ones in your first year of recovery.

That first year for me was spent building up faith in my God and faith in the program. The program allowed me to go any where and it helped me to decide whether I was going to trust it or go back to my old way of life. My past was riddled with fear, it was fear based, and there was no way I wanted to go back there.

Through my God, which I found in the program, I was able to trust and get to know me. As I have said many times, and I learned it my first year of recovery, and it is just as affective in today, 22 years later. This is a one day at a time program.

http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/...ctive-disorder

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-c...n/con-20021047

Not sure I don't have this myself. It was very enlightening.

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-c...s/con-20021047

There was no communication in my marriages unless it was to tell me to shut up, my opinion didn't matter or wasn't asked for.

You can't communicate and have a relationship if you are talking to a brick wall, so I just had to let go, and not take on his/her stuff. I had to learn to take my Q-Tip with me everywhere I went, I had to quit taking it personally.

My first thought was my laundry. My second thought was my postings, and my third was to return phone calls, and after that, there are too many things about my own recovery that are too numerous to count, but my God and I work on them daily.

Love it, use to watch my mother put out the clothes and then I grew and it was me who put out the laundry and me that took the fresh smelling clothes off the line.

Music was a big part of my life. My mom played the piano and my two younger sisters sat beside her on the piano bench and I looked over my Mom's shoulder and we sang until we lost our voices. We did this every night after dinner, all gospel songs, and it was made special when my dad was there and he joined in.

Although I grumbled about the sore knees and the sun but picking wild berries and weeding a big, big garden, I always liked the rewards of the harvest. Like wild strawberry pie, blueberry crisp, oorn on the cob, with sliced steak tomatoes and homemade bread. Yum!

With all that, my favourite is still the beaver pond, surrounded by birch trees, long green grass, and a field of colourful wild flowers. As they say, keep it simple, get back to basics.

We use to did pretend houses in the sand after the garden was harvested and in the winter, built snow houses and forts. Life seemed like it should be good, but there was also a lot of emotions and feelings of unhappiness and something was missing, even though I went to church 3 times on Sunday, prayer meeting and young people's when my dad would drive us, and thanks to my mom, she would host it at our place so people would come to us. She made batches of Chelsea buns and butterscotch rolls.

The fear was there at six and many things over the years covered it up and things were used to hide it and the insecurities and the unknown, not knowing what I did wrong because if it was wrong, it was all my fault.

Today when I came out of the mall, and a great big black ant passed under my walker. When I saw it, I had the thought "Slow down, you are moving too fast." I was going to walk home but decided to go by bus. I took the first one that came along and walked home an extra two blocks. Just as I was turning into Hess Village the bus I normally took, passed me. I might have been better to wait, but sitting when I am sore isn't easy. I could have waited but I wouldn't have gotten the exercise.

One of the gifts I got on the bus I took was a beautiful baby with the biggest dark blue eyes I had seen. They were so open and seemed to be aware, but she didn't look at day over 3 months. When I got to Step 3, I found a new awareness and found that reality some times sucked. Things would come to light, and I could sit with the guilt or process it and set myself free. I just had to deal with it, I found it difficult to live without changing it and looking at things with a new perspective.

When I slow down, I don't miss the glories that are there for me, I can get caught up in busy, and forget to open my mind and encompass my God's Grace. Just for today, I will choose to say thank you.

Well I got left out a few times, yet there were times I was chosen because I had a strong network and people wanted me because they wanted to use my network to solicite for their wants and needs.

So many times I felt used and I had to change my attitude about it all. If it was good for the whole, I would say yes. If it wasn`t, I wouldn`t let them or myself to be used.

I had confidence and yet I could be shy, and over the years, I made myself speak up and out. I did it in the Legion, would up and greet new people, worked on committees in the Legion and with Senior Citizens. That was while I was still using. With an ex-sponsor at two years sober, I had to learn that though they have many years in recovery, they had their own agenda and were human too.

I have always tried to invite people over to my place if they were going to be alone over a holiday. I always believed, if there is enough for one, there is enough for two. It is who I am, I was brought up that way.` Wasn`t so sure that was true when it came to alcohol and my addiction, what is mine is mine and what is yours is yours and mine.

I was also taught, if you were not invited, you were not meant to be there. It was probably a healthier thing to not be a part of even if you want to be there.

So many decisions to make, so often we were victims of our circumstances and products of our environment. I had to recognize the old tapes and make new ones. I don`t have to look outside of myself to find love.

Something that I have been working on with my spiritual adviser. There is still a part of me that has problems with forgiving myself for my decisions and the choices made in the past, even those in recovery.

There are things that I felt that I should have known better, and some things that were in the 'Self' and although amends were made to God, I still carried this image of myself that I didn't like.

It may be called being human, but sometimes the EGO says, that is no excuse. :(

Pay it forward with a smile, taking time to speak to someone, don't forget to say "I love you." I like the saying, "If no one has told you today that they loved you, consider yourself loved, I will love you until you can love yourself." Remember to apply it to yourself.

My butterflies were not about beauty or nerves, I was very sick at my stomach.

Don't think I thought of them, but did think of asking for healing, and I got an appointment at the Holistic Center for 2:15 p.m.

Butterfly means transformation, so hoping Tony can transform sick to feeling better.

My sponsor use to say, examine your motive and intent. It wouldn't be hard for me to be out of the ordinary, especially today, all I need to do is feel good and go out and about. It is out of the ordinary, because I think I have the flu instead of arthritic pain!
:38:

When I meet a man especially, I look at their eyes, always have. It doesn't matter what they are wearing or what the words that come out of their mouth, they can be false. I always felt like the eyes are a window to the soul.

How true, tears are healing. Unfortunately, I still don't do them as well as I should. My first husband told me I used them as a weapon and to stop them and I did at 21. I didn't find recovery until I was 49, and it was really 7 years later that I felt that I found my true self and got in touch with who I am and no longer had to live with who I was. When I saw myself heading there or back there, I had the tools not to stay there. It was not a place I wanted to be. The person I share my feeling with in today is me instead of stuffing them.

So much of life is energy, and exchange of energy between one person and another. It is up to us whether we accept or reject it. Life isn't about the almighty dollar, and doesn't have to be hands on, a prayer and a healing thought goes a long way.